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by artykidd
Summary: A oneshot that explains why Leo feels so guilty about the night Raphael disappeared. An accompaniment to the story M. You don't need to know the story to understand this. A good LeoRaph moment.


So' here's the reason why Leo needed to talk to Raphael about the night that little Raph snuck out and disappeared. I didn't give too many details about that night and didn't do a flashback. I figured that ya'll are all a smart bunch and can fill in the blanks yourself. Anyway, I hope this answers your questions about that night. If any of you were expecting something completely unforgivable and traumatic, I'm sorry to disappoint you. Please bear in mind that Leo was only five at the time.

* * *

Raphael walked into the dojo and stared at the punching bag in the corner. He quietly taped his hands up and walked over to his opponent. Setting the CD player down, he pressed the little red button turning it green and held down the volume button. The music was way too loud and echoed its way down the halls and into the main area of the lair.

He knew everyone else could hear it as he began punching and kicking his target. He didn't care. He was too busy being selfish.

"What on earth is that!" Donatello asked. His ears were covered by his hands as he walked out of his lab in to the main living area.

"I don't know," Leonardo yelled back. "It's awful!" He looked over at Splinter. His father's head was now decorated with throw pillows from the couch. A grimace on his face.

"It's Disturbed," Michelangelo informed them.

"It's beyond disturbed Mikey," Donatello retorted. "It borders on psychotic."

Michelangelo fell to the couch laughing. "No, no," he said in between giggles. "It's a music group. Their name is Disturbed," he spoke loudly.

Fortunately and mercifully for everyone, the current song was finished playing. The next selection wasn't as harsh.

"What is wrong with him?" Donatello asked, pointing to the dojo. The sounds of something being beaten to oblivion were only muffled by the sounds of inaudible curses, streaming from their brother's mouth. "He was in a good mood a few nights ago," he continued. "But the past couple of days, he's been completely unbearable."

"Strange," Michelangelo piped up. He was still sitting on the couch with his chin resting on his hands. "You would think getting his memories back would make him happy."

"He what!" Leonardo turned to his youngest brother. "Why didn't you say something!"

"I dunno'," he shrugged. "I figured he would have told you guys."

"Leonardo," Splinter eyed his oldest son. "I believe you need to go speak with your brother."

Sighing, Leonardo replied quietly, "Yes sir."

Solemnly and slowly, Leonardo made his way to the dojo. It was a task he knew he had to do but was reluctant to take care of. Whether it was a guilty conscience or just fear of physical retaliation from his brother, he wasn't completely sure.

He eased the door open just enough so he could peek through. _Good,_ he thought to himself. _His back is too me so maybe he won't notice me walking in._ Carefully Leonardo crept up behind his brother. Raphael was still beating the punching bag into oblivion. _Hope that's not gonna' be me._

Working up the courage, Leonardo reached out to touch his brother's shoulder. But before he could, he was caught off guard by a solid punch to his jaw. The force of the blow knocked Leonardo to the floor and he slid back a few feet. Coming to a halt Leonardo held his head in his hands in an effort to stop the room from spinning.

He opened his eyes to see Raphael standing over him, breathing heavy, body still shaking from anger. "Don't!" he ordered. "Don't touch me."

Leonardo eased up as his brother walked back to the bag and again began punching the worn and abused object. "Raph," he tried to get his attention.

Raphael kept his back to his brother, ignoring him.

"Raphael, we need to talk," the blue bandannad turtle tried again.

Raphael's only answer was to turn the radio up to an unbearable decibel level.

Getting aggravated, Leonardo pulled the CD player from the wall and removed the disc.

Raphael glared at his brother. "I don't want to talk," he growled and threw another punch at Leonardo. Leonardo was prepared this time and ducked out of the way.

"Raph," he continued while ducking and dodging more attacks. "We need to talk!"

"NO!" Raphael screamed and took another wild swing at his brother.

Leonardo had had enough. He raised his arm and blocked his brother's fist. Catching Raphael off guard, Leonardo grabbed the angry turtles arm and flipped him on his back.

Raphael just glared from his position on the floor. "What," he growled.

Leonardo sighed and his shoulders dropped. "Mikey told us you got your memory back."

"I'm gonna' kill 'em," he muttered as he got off the floor. "If Mikey wants to blab, then go tell him what you did. I've got nuthin' to say to you," and he walked back over to his original spot, only this time, he began attacking the practice dummy.

"I'm sorry," Leonardo stated.

"And how is that supposed to fix things Leo?" he hit the practice dummy one final time and the stuffed head flew off. Raphael turned back to his brother and kept talking. "How does telling me you're sorry change things?"

Leonardo looked at his hands, as if some magic script would appear and give him the right words. "It doesn't change what I said or did. I wish that I could," he pleaded. "I really do."

Raphael pointed a finger at him, "you were my brother. I thought you were my best friend." He quickly turned around again. His frustration level hadn't subsided yet. He needed to hit something else. He looked forward, there was a single brick that stood out from the others. It was mocking him.

Leo could do nothing but watch as Raphael let out a final yell and took a swing. He could hear a gut wrenching CRACK as his brother's right hand connected with the wall.

Exhausted, Raphael leaned into the wall and slid down to the floor into a silent heap.

Cautiously, Leonardo walked over to the end of the dojo. His brother had hit the brick hard enough to leave several cracks. He looked at the spider web pattern that had formed and was now emanating out into the cement around it. "How did you……?"

Raphael looked up at the damage he had caused. "Steroids," he said, his breathing still heavy but calming down.

Leo knelt down on one knee next to his brother who was now cradling his hurt arm. "Can I see it?" he asked.

Carefully, gently, Leonardo pulled the tape off his brother's injured hand. He watched his brother's teeth clench and eyes shut tight as he pulled on the adhesive strip. "This hurt?"

Raphael hissed as the last bit of tape was removed. "I'm seein' stars right now." He laughed a little, trying to keep the tears from forming. "Oh man," he shifted his position a little and turned his head towards his brother. "You said you hated me and I should go away. When I went to sneak out, you said you hoped that I never came back."

"I know," Leonardo nodded. "I also said that I wished you were dead." He added the last statement with a quiet voice.

"I was trying to forget that part," Raphael replied. He winced again as Leonardo turned his arm over to look at the underside. "Why? What did I do?"

Leo sat down facing his brother. "You didn't do anything Raph. I thought," he stopped to consider his words. "I was hurt and angry and jealous," he admitted. "I thought Splinter loved you more than he did me and I wanted to make you feel worse than me. I was stupid."

"Forget it," Raphael turned his head away for a moment and inhaled trying to deal with the pain in his arm. "You were five, you didn't know any better."

"Doesn't excuse what I said," Leonardo admitted. He waited a few seconds for Raphael to turn back to him. "I'm glad you're back. We've missed you." He paused for moment. "I've missed you."

"Thanks," Raphael smiled.

"Well," Leonardo stood up and held his hand out. Pulling Raphael up from the floor he continued talking. "We had better let Donnie look at your hand."

"Do I have to?" Raphael begged. He held his arm close to his body as they walked towards the door. "It isn't that noticeable is it?"

"Raph," he grinned looking down at his brother's injured hand. "It's turning purple and swollen to the size of a cantaloupe. It's broken," he said matter-of-factly. "I think everyone will notice."

"Great, I broke my hand fighting the wall," he grumbled.

"How about we just tell everyone I ducked."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Leo thought for a second longer. "Look at the bright side."

"What's that?"

"At least with a cast, you'll be excused from washing dishes for awhile."


End file.
